Disclaimer: This interview was done through AOL Instant Messenger, and was barely touched for editing.  All I did was change our screen names to our real names, fixed some spelling mistakes. 

Pikes: You’re officially the only Team Aggression fighter who’s submitted a black belt (Cesario De Souza).  How do you feel about that?

Perry: Did you know that I am also the only Team Aggression member to ever submit a Polar Bear? But, yeah tapping out the BJJ black belt is up there when it comes to accomplishments. It just goes to show you that the best belts are gold.

Pikes: They certainly are, and in just over a month, you’ll be making your first attempt at gold in a rematch with Cesario.  How’s your training going for that fight?

Perry: I will never in my life be able to complain about a lack of training partners or a lack of places to train. I have the Lauzon brothers, Joe Cushman, Greg “The Tickler”(for the love of god don’t ask) Pomfred, Crazy Jack , Honey bear,  Jim-Lau,  Kenny Lovetere… I am just going to stop listing people now. On top of all this, I have Joe Pomfret and the guys at Bishop’s boxing.  I could not ask for anything more. I am of course training as hard as ever, but now I train smarter. Joe Lauzon has given some great training tips that he picked up from TUF5. The guys at Bishop’s always have great drills and I have learned so much about fight training since my first few fights. This is all just the very beginning for me.

Pikes: Yeah, not many people in the area can say they train with two UFC veterans.  Before we get to your title fight, how else have you been spending your time, outside of training? Fill us in on what a normal fighter does when he’s not in the gym, extracurriculars and all.

Perry: Video games, hanging out with my friends from the gym as well as the ones outside of the gym. It is always good to have that one half of your friends who can kick the crap out of the other half. Unfortunately, everybody gets along so I can’t see my fake hard ass friends get mauled by the ones from the gym. But I’m trying…you know, I think I understated the addiction to video games.

Pikes: Uh, which half do I fit into?

Perry: …

Pikes: Oh come on!

Perry: Well, you do watch a lot of fighting, and you are a member of the MassMMA community, so you are an honorary member of the tough half.

Pikes: Good to know, so when I start fights when I’m drunk , I can just hide behind you guys.  But moving on, let’s talk about your upcoming fight.  Now, I’d never knock the courage of a fighter, because anyone that steps into the ring has more balls than me, but it was ongoing speculation for awhile before you fought Cesario that he was avoiding a fight with you, what’s your take on that?

Perry: I don’t believe that’s true.  On top of that, he wants a rematch and agreed to one in front of hundreds of fans, so I can’t imagine he’d be scared to fight me unless he does something crazy like back down from this title fight.  I mean, if I were him, I would definitely want to fight me again. If I got flying triangled by someone, I would fight them again in a heartbeat, because you know you are just going to do better this time. He was smart to take this rematch, he may lose the title, but no matter what, he is going to look better than he did after the first fight.

Pikes: That’s a perfect segue for our first fan question.  Greg Pomfred wants to know… “Did you shove a rabbit’s foot up your ass before you fought Cesario?”

Perry: (laughs) No, that was actually the finger of Mat Santos, and I didn’t know he was going to do that. No, but seriously, nobody could ever seriously say that anyone has EVER landed a “lucky flying triangle” that hurts my brain to even think like that. I think he just made a mistake and I capitalized on it

Pikes: …And a beautiful submission it was.  Speaking of creepiness and man love, my next question comes from Reid Homer. He wrote “I would not know where to start with that guy (Perry), all i can say is that he’s a beautiful bastard, and I’d have his children if nature allowed it.”  Ok, I guess that’s not much of a question.

Perry: Lmao. Well, Reid is right, I am a beautiful bastard (and a gentleman). And in a few short years science, Reid and I can defy nature and create a wonderful child if he so wishes. We shall call it Ezekiel….wait, god dammit Danny we are getting way off topic here, back to the real questions you ass.  Remember I do have a title fight coming up, maybe we could talk about it

Pikes: Right.  Well, rather than tie you down with specific questions, why don’t you just give me your overall feelings about the title fight with Cesario De Souza for the WFL 155-lbs belt.

Perry: I am psyched, I really can’t wait. I have been thinking of making a run for the top around here for a while but never thought I was ready and I was too small. Now, I feel very ready and I am not quite as outweighed as I was when I first started. When this fight was arranged in the cage in front of all those people I thought to myself, “This is what it’s all about, all this work and dedication has a real purpose..” It is all about climbing up that ladder at the right pace. I like to have people excited for my fights, and I KNOW there are a lot of people looking forward to this fight like it were their birthday. I like to put on a show and I am an attention whore for the fans, that is no secret.  I want the hype that you see for WWE title fights and UFC title fights to be the type of hype that we have around here with lots of talk and analysis on fights from fans.

Pikes: A lot of truth there.  And since you mentioned birthday, I’d like the fans to know that the fight is just a few days before my 22nd birthday, so if you want to buy me a beer, I can be found ringside, I’m the skinny one at the MassMMA table.  Actually, what is the exact date of the fight anyway?

Perry: I believe that when Mario translated for Cesario he said, “We can do it June 9th in my house.” So June 9th at Cesario’s place, everybody bring your swimsuits, I hear he has a pool.

Pikes:  Now Matt, I think if there’s anyone in the MassMMA community that can ask this kind of question, it would be me, since we’ve been best friends since we were seven years old.  You’ve done a lot in your life, in and out of the ring, but I want you to rank the following events, with the best moment in your life at the top. 

Perry: Oh boy…

Pikes: Winning your first MMA fight against Derrick Gentile, losing your virginity at the tender age of 20, defeating black belt Cesario De Souza by flying triangle, defeating Halo 1 and 2, watching Joe knock out Jens Pulver and celebrating so much that you puked, leg-scissoring me until my face turned red and I cried at my 8th birthday party, and first being cast on the hit sitcom “Friends”.

Perry: LOL. I would probably have to go with the time I was like 7 and I walked up to a soda machine with no money (mom wouldn’t give me any and I was thirsty as hell) and I just pressed all the buttons at once and a (expletive) COKE CAME OUT! FOR FREE! I preceded to celebrate in a severely reckless fashion for about an hour and a half. I mean, have you ever gotten a free coke in your entire life? No, you haven’t. And I am not the guy from friends, (Expletive).

Pikes: You didn’t rank them.

Perry: I don’t have to conform to your interview style, slut.  But in a distance second I will choose the time I kicked your ass in the 2nd grade. (Put all this in the real interview, I want people to know that on this day, one man stood up to an empire aka MassMMA)

Pikes: …

Perry: Really, put that last part in too.

Perry: And this part about me talking about me talking about that last part.

Perry: You know what, just post the whole goddamn IM.

Pikes: Yeah, and I can still brag that I was the first of the many people you’re triangled…kind of.  I know, the whole Matthew Perry from Friends thing is an old joke that you’ll hear for the rest of your life.  But don’t think you’re too humble to talk about your first TV appearance.

And, although I was not the first to give you the name “The Rabid Squirrel”, I feel that it was my repeated use on the site that made it stick, so you owe me royalties. I recently saw you acting as a bodyguard in a Bud Light commercial, where you savagely attack the friend of the person it is you are guarding.  Two questions regarding this.  Would you be happier if they used your real name in the commercial, and wouldn’t it have been more accurate if they had you pull guard and triangle him rather than get the takedown and use ground and pound?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7hAm00vpLk

Perry: First off, my make-up guy was terrible, i looked like a goddamn rat. Secondly, I am glad that they did not use my real name, I deserve no credit, all praise be to Allah! The bud light guys said that the fans don’t want to see submissions, they want blood. So I worked that punk over with the acorn.

Pikes: OK, lastly, I want to do a little word recognition here.  I’m going to say a name or phrase, you say to me the first thing that comes to mind. Wait, it’s not recognition, what’s it called again?

Perry: Association.

Pikes: Thanks.

Perry: I’m smart.

Pikes: Whatever, ready?   Cesario De Souza.

Perry: Triangle

Pikes: Joe Cushman.

Perry: Angry

Pikes: Oreo and it’s many varieties.

Perry: THEIVES! (Pikes’ Fact:  Perry came up with many brilliant ideas for the Oreo, including the cereal, oreo sticks, mini oreos, and the oreo ice cream sandwich, and got no credit)

Pikes: WFL 155-lbs Title.

Perry: Mine.

Pikes: Mat Santos and Mike Littlefield.

Perry: True love.

Pikes: Miller Lite.

Perry: COMMIES!

Pikes: The French.

Perry: COMMIES!

Pikes: Joe Lauzon.

Perry: I’m sorry Joe, but to be honest the first thing I thought of was ears.  But second, I’d say “proud”.

Pikes: MassMMA

Perry: Openly bias

Pikes: Danny Pikes

Perry: Celebrated journalist, poker extraordinaire.

Pikes: That’s it for the word association.  But I almost forgot, I did get one more fan question, and it’s also from Greg Pomfred. “Who do you think would win in a fight, Hilary Clinton or Rosie O’Donnell?”

Perry:  Hillary would use her patented  SNUKE to blow up Rosie and with it, her own ass and as a result, the world would be a much thinner place.

Pikes: Thanks for your time, Matt.